A minor personal tragedy befell my Christmas shopping expedition this weekend. I was deep in the toy section of Walmart, Airpods blasting the latest episode of Animal Spirits, when I felt something fall on my shirt. I looked up to the ceiling, unsure of what happened. I stood still for two seconds, eventually deciding that something small must have fallen from the top shelf or the ceiling. I pushed my cart onward, determined to finish my shopping list.
It wasn’t until my drive home that I felt my earlobe. Had I forgotten to put on my earrings this morning? No, wait! I was missing an earring! One of the beautiful antique diamond earrings my husband gave me for my 40th birthday—the ones I’ve worn every single day since. I felt a panic in my throat, and I tried to remain calm. I decided to turn the car around to at least go back and look.
Could it have possibly fallen in my purse? No. First, I checked the cart I had left in the return section of the parking lot. No luck. I reentered the store and paced to the main aisle, which I thought was where I had lost it. I got down on the floor and looked under the racks. I only found dust and discarded merchandise. Out of diligence, I left my name and number with the customer service manager. But I knew it was gone. It will probably be thrown out in a dustbin.
A sadness came over me, but there was no one to blame. The earring was simply lost. No one is at fault. As I took off my shoes that evening, I gave them one more hopeful shake, just in case the earring fell in my shoe. My mind wandered to the yoga class I took online Saturday morning and the talk given afterward. It was then that I realized that this was a test of my ability to practice one of the first limbs of Ashtanga yoga – the yamas. The specific yama, in this case, is aparigraha, or non-attachment.
In a season overrun by attachment to things, I was fighting a personal battle with the love of a beautiful piece of jewelry that has brought me great joy. I must learn to let it go. It appears to have been written into my karma. The earring was to be lost. That was destiny. What could I learn from the experience?
In my work as a financial advisor, I see many examples of attachment. Most people are attached to the high water mark of their portfolio values. The good habits that allow wealth accumulation – savings and investing – often work against investors in retirement. Decumulation is scary and does not come naturally. Humans have a hoarding instinct to save up for the coming winter. We do not easily flip off our hoarding switch to enjoy spending in retirement. Attached to the apex of our financial wealth, we risk missing out on the joy of spending it. As I have reminded several investors over the years, we are not pharaohs. We cannot take our wealth with us to the tomb.
I recently listened to a podcast interview with Bill Perkins, the author of the bestseller Die with Zero. His message resonated with me deeply. He spoke about the importance of prioritizing experiences for the opportune time in life. He gave a wonderful example of how backpacking in Europe and staying in hostels is only enjoyed by young adults. Later in life, such a trip, in that way, would not be as rich. I was reminded of my own goal to teach my children to ski. To give them a life skill that is easier for them to learn while they are young. It’s one I have been putting off due to the cost and logistics of getting my family of four to the mountains. It’s one I am determined to tackle this winter. Please hold me to this pledge.
Another place I see attachment is with individual stocks. And who could blame investors for falling in love with stocks that have produced returns like Nvidia, Apple, Microsoft, Tesla, and others during this glorious bull market for US mega-cap tech companies? I’ve written about how Apple has transformed the financial lives of many investors, allowing them to retire earlier or spend more. But I am equally impressed with investors who can practice a little aparigraha with their winners, taking chips off the table. I hope the day never comes when today’s winners become losers. But I do know that what the market gives, the market has the power to take away. We can all practice a bit of non-attachment discipline from time to time.
I’m old enough to remember the bankruptcies of Enron and Worldcom. I still have battle scars from Lehman, AIG, Bear Stearns, and other casualties of the Great Financial Crisis. Now, I have lived through a period where HODLing stock market winners have produced life-changing results. But headlines about a new administration rolling back financial regulations and abolishing the FDIC give me pause. It was benign deregulation from the Clinton era that created the environment for the GFC.
Aparigraha means practicing non-attachment in the face of evidence to the contrary. There’s an element of fear in letting go. And isn’t that the mark of a successful investor, to face one’s fears?
There will be more earrings in my future. I’m certain of that. But today, I close a beautiful chapter by letting go of my lost earring. I wonder what items (or investments) you are holding onto that are yearning to move on? Perhaps the year’s end will provide time for self-reflection. A new year presents a fresh start, a chance to begin again. I’m taking this lesson of non-attachment with me into the next quarter century. Will you come with me?
